When one becomes manic, a common symptom is requiring only 3 hours of sleep. You awake with eyes wide open, ready to start the day, even though its 2:00am. I became a fan of info-commercials.
Did you know for 3 monthly payments of $19.95 I can improve your quality of life in under 60 days!
Better yet, I can share with you the five stages of recovery in 5 minutes. You will find my personal story about this in my book, Mott’s Mind.
I can ensure you that your life can become better than it is today. I’m going to share a recovery process with you, not a healing.
At first, it’s okay to be overwhelmed with high anxiety. The confusion of having a mental illness makes you question who you are, mixed with thoughts of what you may become. I was a computer professional with 32 years of experience, a father of 3 sons, a soccer coach and the baseball little league coach, not some unique person like my grandfather, father and brother were, all who lived with a depression problem. I was “normal” and successful, but quickly became overwhelmed. I had to learn what the impact of my illness[1] was.
I started recalling my Uncle Henry who lived with my grandparents. Rarely did I see him but when I did, he would come down the staircase, out through his “special outside door” for a smoke, return to climb up the stairs to his room and shut the door. That’s all he ever did. I felt his life was limited[2].
I questioned the same of myself.
After my last crisis, I was introduced to my county’s community mental health center. At one location I had an ARNP to development a medication plan plus a Therapist and Case Worker to work with me on a treatment plan. In time, I started attending a Pathways to Recovery[a] class. For every question regarding a feeling, my answer was overwhelmed. A question of thought was answered with, I don’t know. There was one person in the class who was taking it for the third time. I began to understand why.
Three years went by before my medication plan was working within “parameters”. I began answering questions of feeling and thought. Still, it was different than before. My mind didn’t respond like my super-human computer brain once did. I had answers about feelings too. I realized and believed change was possible[3]. Previously, I had become un-employable in the computer industry, my diagnosis made me un-insurable yet it seemed like I had a gift in helping people who had become like me, my consumer peers. My belief system had changed and realized I could live on basic needs, not wants. It was quite a change, but I knew it was possible to have a better quality of life.
The state of Kansas was starting a certified peer specialist program that was designed for people, like me, to be peer workers primarily to be deployed to community mental health centers. I knew I had success in working with my peers and now there was a possibility of making it a career. I committed myself to changing[4] from a computer specialist, something I could no longer do, to becoming a peer worker. I would be part of a person’s treatment team. I applied for the job and was hired. This commitment transformed me from being a victim of mental illness to a survivor of mental illness. I committed to working with my peers, teaching them recovery is possible.
Working part time was an action of change[5]. It turned out it wasn’t as easy as I thought. There were two viewpoints of what a peer should do. From one side, the state trainer view was the mental health delivery system was broken. The fix was the role of a State Certified Peer Specialist who would transform “the system”. On the other hand, it was my view that the system was not broken, it was being enhanced. We butted heads over this time and time again. This is the risk of taking action. It can set you back to a previous stage. It can take you back to the first step of trying to handle the impact of your illness. I resigned from my position. It was a drastic setback. I was starting my recovery cycle over.
The position I resigned from was never filled. In time, I starting going back through the stages of recovery. I wasn’t a quitter. I knew I was a survivor and had to take a second chance. One defeat can not stop you. It might take you 3 or 4 times to return to your mindset that you could take the action of change. The 2nd time was successful.
As in my book, you will read about my advancements and failings. I have gone from wondering if I could make it through the next 15 minutes to being empowered to write a book.
Recovery is possible. My book, Mott’s Mind, will take you through such a journey.
Thank you.
5 Stages of Recovery:
[1] Impact of the illness
[2] Life is Limited
[3] Realizing and Believe Change is Possible
[4] Commitment to Change
[5] Action of Change
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